Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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