forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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