mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
