I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
