I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
