it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
