scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
