just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
