Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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