Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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