I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
