Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
