Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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