This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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