the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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