I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i've created a new STD.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
