I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
