My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
