Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
