He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
