People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
