Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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