I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
