you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
