I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
