well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize