one might say we're banned from that church
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
