not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
