I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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