I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
