dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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