I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
