I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
