I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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