My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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