I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
