no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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