And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize