Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
