Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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