How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize