if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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