i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
