i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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