Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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