Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
