You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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