Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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