Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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