God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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