I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
