hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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