The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize