Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
