you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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