He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
