Can i not drive my cunt home
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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