sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
