That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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