"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
