if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
