I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
