you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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