what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
