Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
