Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
