i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
no, he came in my armpit
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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