First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
