Me. At least after what I've been through.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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