I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
