you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
