she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
