i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
